How pointless can this get?

I keep thinking of the things that will never be. It gives me false hopes, but it keeps me happy for that split second. I look at you in wonder if you will ever know, if I had made it the obvious. I spend hours working on subjects I hate, maybe one day if I am good enough, those grades will turn into straight A's. I read books I will never study because I just want to know if I might be happier being able to choose something she will never approve of.